


I Believe We've Agreed that the Proper Term is Dating

by thinkingstar



Category: The Batman (Cartoon)
Genre: Alfred can keep a secret, Bruce doesn't know everything, F/M, Gen, Past Relationship(s), Secret dating, sassy alfred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-14
Updated: 2017-04-14
Packaged: 2018-10-19 00:00:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,507
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10627923
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thinkingstar/pseuds/thinkingstar
Summary: Bruce is the World's Greatest Detective. But the person who knows him best is still capable of having a private life... somehow. Well, at least the possibility of one. In which Bruce Wayne finds out that Alfred is still capable of surprising him.





	

“Front seat!” Dick called as he leapt into the batmobile, sticking his tongue out as Barbara shook a fist in his general direction. Her reluctant climb into the backseat was interrupted by a Look from Bruce.

“Anything reported yet tonight?” Dick asked as the batmobile slipped onto the street and into the night. “Beyond the typical 'someone probably escaped from Arkham and no one noticed' brigade?”

“Nothing yet.” Bruce adjusted a dial and shrugged, “But there's no such thing as a quiet night in Gotham.”

“Then why did you give Alfred the night off?” he shifted in the seat, leaning forward to squint at the passing lights of the city. “I mean, shouldn't he be in the Batcave monitoring the signals and news?”

“We have a radio in the car,” Bruce answered, flicking a switch to fill the car with the droning sound of news. “And Alfred doesn't exactly take time off. So sometimes it has to be pushed on him.”

“Isn't he always saying that about you?” she pointed out as she leaned back in her seat. “Because it seems kind of hypocritical to send him out on the town when you're never off-duty, doesn't it?”

“I do plenty.” Bruce studiously turned the volume up on the radio as what seemed to be the obligatory 'Bruce Wayne: Man About Town' report began. “And I don't hide it.”

“That doesn't count!” Dick protested, “That's practically the same as being Batman! It's not time off if you have to work at it. What does Alfred do with time off anyway? I think his favorite things in the world involve cleaning and cooking.”

“I don't know and I don't ask. Alfred's private life is exactly that. Private.” Bruce shook his head. “I'm not going to go World's Greatest Detective on him.”

“Like you did on Superman?” Barbara piped up.

“Or Green Arrow?” Robin raised his hand, his innocent expression injured when Bruce didn't answer.

“Or...” Barbara's next question was cut off when the Batmobile slammed to a stop, spinning around, “What did you see!?” she pushed herself off the back of the seat, scrambling forward. “What is it, Bruce?”

Bruce didn't answer, eyes narrow beneath his cowl. Buildings slowly peeled away until they were all looking down at alley.

At a pair of very familiar suits.

“Alfred?!” Dick's eyes went round. “And...!”

“And Lucius!” Barbara whipped her cowl off, face pressed to the tinted window until it blurred her vision. “Alfred and Lucius!”

“They're holding hands,” Dick added quietly. “They're drinking tea and holding hands, Bruce, what's going on?”

“Alfred's private life is private,” Bruce repeated, though the batmobile was sputtering softly in first gear as he stared out the window. “And it's his night off.”

“I'm gonna go sit in the back with Barb,” Dick said after a minute, slowly undoing his seatbelt. “For no reason.”

Barbara patted the seat beside her as he scrambled back and strapped back in. They quickly drew their heads together, her cowl still back and his mask now safely stuffed in his hand.

“Do you really think he didn't know?” she hissed.

“I don't think he did!” he whispered, shaking his head. “I really don't think he did! He totally trusts Alfred.”

“But he's the world's greatest detective!” she paused, “Isn't he?”

“Everyone has a blind spot, right?” Dick lowered his voice, eyes darting, “Probably?”

“Even if they do, it doesn't pay to advertise it,” Bruce was looming and their answered gasps were drowned out as the batmobile's engine gunned. “We still have a patrol to do.”

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
“Well, that was a waste of a night,” Dick groaned as he tossed his mask in the general direction of the rest of his costume and tugged a robe on over his pajamas. “I mean, not entirely,” he backtracked before Bruce finished turning around, “But it wasn't one of the big nights.”

“And I'd think you could be grateful for that,” Bruce replied as he sat down in front of his supercomputer, “Considering the test in your math class tomorrow.”

“How do you find out about those things?” he complained as he stepped past Alfred into the elevator. “Hey, Alf-” Dick blinked and then smiled widely, “Alfred! How was your night off?”

“As uneventful as always,” Alfred answered, offering a mug of hot chocolate to Dick, “Now, you have a test to study for, don't you?”

“Why do I even go to school? You might as well go!” A slurp was the last sound after the grumbling as the elevator took off.

“A good night for the criminals, Master Bruce?” Alfred made his way over, picking up the Robin costume on his way, to offer him a mug of tea. “I hadn't heard anything particularly eventful on the radio, but one never knows in this city.”

“That's true,” Bruce tapped his fingers together and then on the keyboard, “There are always things in this city that no one knows about.”

“I don't doubt it.” Alfred nodded, “Will you be retiring for the night soon? Bruce Wayne has a charity event with the children's hospital tomorrow morning and he should be at his best. After all, you are the face of all their improvements and good work.”

“Soon enough,” Bruce sighed and then swiveled the chair to face Alfred. “What were you doing tonight?”

“What I always do on my nights off, sir,” Alfred took the now empty mug from his hands, “As I please.”

“It was just a question, Alfred. You're so interested in my love life,” Bruce didn't let himself hesitate, but it was a near thing. The air felt thick as he leaned his elbows on his knees, steepling his fingers. “I realized I'd never shown an interest in yours.”

“I would like you to realize, sir, that the batmobile is not the most subtle of vehicles. And though many people will overlook a black car in a dark alley without a second thought, very few of those people work for the world's greatest detective.” Alfred had turned away as Bruce had swiveled, a feather duster now running along the sides of the supercomputer. “You know that I do not deliberately keep secrets from you, sir.”

“But you do keep secrets.” Still and silent, Bruce waited to the sound of feathers on metal and careful steps, waited as Alfred cleaned and neatened and organized around him and as the supercomputer beeped in the background when the search results returned.

“Yes, master Bruce,” he finally replied, “I do, at times, when I believe that they would bother and worry you unnecessarily.”

“Worry me, Alfred?” Bruce stared intently at the back of his head, “Why would any of your personal or private activities bother me?”

“Truthfully, sir, that's not something I feel I should explain to you.” Alfred set the feather duster down after a moment of silence. “But I hope that you can trust me when I assure you that I did not mean to hurt you in any way.”

“Alfred,” Bruce exhaled sharply. “What's going on between you and Lucius?”

“I believe we've agreed that the proper term is dating, sir.” Alred tucked his hands behind his back, shoulders straight and head up. “We re-opened our discussion during the first alien invasion and have found it to be very agreeable with both of our schedules and lives.”

“Since the first...” Bruce sat back against the chair. “Three years, Alfred? Three years.”

“Yes, sir,” Alfred nodded, “We did begin to spend more time together then. And we share many memories, including from his assistance in your childhood.”

“You've been dating Lucius for three years.”

“Yes.”

“And neither of you told me.”

“It never seemed the right time, sir. Nor the right topic of conversation. Private lives, yes?”

“But you've been dating Lucius for three years.”

“Yes, sir. I believe I have made that much clear.”

“It's a serious relationship?”

“Yes, sir. And, yes, Master Bruce, it is another reason I have encouraged you to reach for a romantic relationship. It really is quite fulfilling to be involved with another person on such a personal level.”

“You've been encouraging that for much longer then the past three years, Alfred,” Bruce scoffed.

“I've known Lucius for much longer than three years as well, sir. Not everything comes out of the blue.”

Bruce's face scrunched in thought and Alfred sighed.

“We had considered a relationship in the past, sir. When you were much younger. But we decided against that when your parents passed and I took over your care. You had to come first and any distractions were unneeded. It was mutual and amicable and, sir, I will not hear a word against it.” Alfred held up his hand, “We made the choice together. And are perfectly happy to have spent time apart before coming together again.”

“Fine.” Bruce turned back to the supercomputer. “When is he joining us for dinner?”

“I feel a better question would be when will you be joining us for dinner, sir. Dick has been waiting a very long time for that.”

**Author's Note:**

> I know there's no Lucius here, but my second chapter plans and anything else I add to this definitely includes him!
> 
> Feel free to hit me up on tumblr at heretherebedork.


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